Sunday, April 2, 2017

A Change is as good as a rest

A nice short blog, this time.

I was reading Facebook a while back and a friend posted something that caught my eye.(thank you Pamela Gapes for this) It was something that was interesting for anyone who is always on the look-out to better themselves.It was 5 things to quit (right now). Here are the list and my views.

  1. Trying to please everyone.
  2. Fearing Change
  3. Living in the past
  4. putting yourself down
  5. overthinking

1. Trying to please everyone.
Something I find myself doing, especially with my music. I have to get back to the roots of ZEEKtheFREAK and please myself, not others. I know I can never please everyone, but if I can please a few, then my work is a success.

2.Fearing change.
Being a Libra birth, it has been a burden for me, Luckily I think I am slowly getting over this. I know I have to change my show and a lot of the material as it is now stale to me. I am slowly coming to terms that this is also connected to point 3.

3. Living in the past.
For too long, I have been looking back and hanging onto what I had and not looking forward to what I CAN have

4. Putting yourself down.
I hear other singers and bands and think, shit I wish I was as good as that and it's strange because I listen to some of my old material and stuff from the Gullible's Travels CD and, ARE that good, uncertainty about whether I am good enough or not and hell man, I am good enough.

5. Overthinking.
This is new to me and something, I want to delete from my thoughts, from my character. Thinking everyone is against me or speaking about me or lying to me.....if someone wants to do this or think this about me...then they can, it's not my problem.

We are never too old to learn, that really stupid quote, you can't teach old dogs new tricks is utter bullshit. A person can be 90 and still change, so if you hear someone say this, then it is not that they can change, it is because they DON'T WANT to change.

I am not saying people should follow these quotes or change, but if you try something you don't know, it might improve your life and isn't that what we all long for, a better time on this earth. One the best slogans ever was that of Durex: A change is as good as a rest. I would like to use it for this blog

People, be yourself, be nice to each other and buy my music (well, a Freak has to live 😉)

Cabannes 2nd April 2017

Friday, February 17, 2017


....and so the next chapter.

I have been lucky in life, I have no regrets, really, I did have some brilliant times and some crap times, but that is what makes life so interesting and a person into who he is.
When I had money, I spent it, on instruments and lots of alcohol. Not drugs, although a lot of people thought I did, lol. I never could save my money. Was it the right thing to do, I will never know, but like I said I have no regrets and man I did have some cool times.

And so I move on to the next chapter of my life, yes I know I moved here nearly 2 years ago, but there was always something pulling me back there. Was it the uncertainty of a new life, was it the friends, it was definitely the fact I still own a house there. Now after these past 2 years I realise If I remain in my Alkmaar mode, I would then miss the thrill of a beautiful life all around me in the scerenic Provence and I would miss the amazing amount of attention, I receive from the beautiful person next to me and the love, the knowledge and the gift of opening my eyes to reality and not a dream.

I am not sure if this blog should be called Burning the bridges, that may sound a bit drastic....maybe it should have been 'Closing the door', 'changing the lock' or 'moving on'....but as an old friend warned me,the way I live my life I am burning bridges I can never rebuild. Maybe,just maybe they are burning for a reason. I know not everyone in that community are such, but man the fakeness is dripping off a lot of people....nice to you when you are around and play like they do, but hell if you break away and do not play by their rules...then I have changed, I am under the thumb (makes me laugh when you see my life and the amount of freedom I have)....totally in no way supportive or interested in my life.

I will always help someone in need, if necessary I would give them the shirt of my back and I think that my fault is,  I think everyone should live that way, but that is wrong. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same and what the hell would I write about in my
But, I diverse, back to the story at hand. I totally loved my time in Alkmaar and yes I called it home, but in all sincerity my home will always be Dundee. Even when I am living and loving the beauty and the warmth of the Mediterranean.

I know it's time to start looking forward and not back. This will be my last blog moaning about old times or old friends or fakeness or times past. I want to be again the positive person I always was and now that the load I bare has been lightened, I think I am on the right road to being that person again.  So yes bridges will burn, but if a friend says he is a friend he will swim to me and prove he is.

ZEEKtheFREAK 27/02/2017

Sunday, February 12, 2017

A fine line

Like the immortal words of Denzel in the film Philadelphia: 
"Explain this to me like I'm a two-year-old, cause there's an element of this I can't get through my thick head."

When is a hobby a hobby and when does it become a business? 
When does a close friend become just an acquaintance from the past?

My music was always my dream and yes a hobby, because I had a full-time job as a painter, with a reasonable income. Now times have changed, I no longer have a full-time job and actually, I have no income at the moment, thus I have had to rethink my plans.

So now I see ZEEKtheFREAK no longer as a past-time but as a product/ my livelihood and like other companies/ bars/ restaurant/ musicians or whatever I am trying to sell as much of my product, to try and get some income. 
Thus I use the social media, Facebook, Twitter etc to promote my songs and try to get as much attention as I can, to the fact I am selling my music. 
I encouraged friends to help out, as word of mouth advertisement works the best, but since I knew no-one would dare do that, due to the 'do not encourage him' threat...yes, this is honestly real, not something thought up, I knew I would have to do the publicity myself.

I know I cannot force my music on people,no that is not in my character, but I asked family and friends to help out.....buying the songs would, of course, be the best solution for me, but since again I knew it was too much to ask, I asked them just to share my posts and that could maybe lead to others who have never heard of ZEEKtheFREAK finding my music and thus maybe letting their friends hear it and thus creating a chain reaction that could lead to other things, but, this was met with silence or 'oh, I never saw the post', I was even accused of putting too many ZEEKtheFREAK posts on MY page and I know people actually stopped following me, yes it is far easier to stick your head in the sand than witness another advertisement and virtual plea's asking for their help.

Another example, after Halloween, when the 'Blow a Fuse' CD's were STOLEN, no not borrowed or lost, they were stolen from a well-known bar in Alkmaar. I again asked family and friends in Alkmaar to re-post my post to get as much publicity, but again...not one friend or family member re-posted it and on the Well-known bar's Facebook page, a small post saying the CD's were borrowed. 
The profits from the sale of the CD were to be used to finance 'the Gullible's Travels' CD, now I have to find another way to raise the cash.
Yet, a friend's bike was stolen, another person's house had something stolen and I see nothing but shared posts on Facebook and people crying outrage, while I get accused of being a bastard, because I was negative about the well-known bar and their lack of empathy...

I must stress there are friends who help me out without me even asking. I am proud to know them, not because they helped me but because they did it without being asked and that is the kind of person I like to be and yes this post all sounds like a bit like me having a whinge, but, I genuinely don't get it. People say they are your friend and I actually helped a lot of them in the past, only because I think that is the right thing to do, so that is why I ask ...
"Explain this to me like I'm a two-year-old, cause there's an element of this I can't get through my thick head."....when someone starts a new company, they need all the support they can get, but I received the silent treatment from family and friends and even told to grow up or it's just a hobby, you'll never be famous etc.....even when I explained I had no money and every penny would help. 
So what can I do? What can I say? Like every company, I need the support of close friends, family etc., to even have a chance of surviving in the dog eat dog arts world.

I know for a fact without the help and support of my misses, I might have called it a day on following my dreams. 

I genuinely hope everyone who reads this is happy and I wish everyone nothing but good fortune. I will continue to make my music, as I will continue to try and sell my product, that is ZEEKtheFREAK, but the 'Alkmaar' chapter of my life is coming to a close. I will no longer ask or rely on these friends for their help, neither will I mention it again, this book is closed, with just one more sentence.........and Denzel's I borrow the idea behind your quote, but change it to my Freaky style....
"What the fuck do I have to do to get your help?"

ZEEKtheFREAK Cabannes 11/02/2017

Thursday, August 25, 2016

My Kirkton Park Saga

To say I am disappointed is an understatement, no I am devastated and I doubt that friends realise the affect it is having on me.

What am I blabbering on about? good question my fine reader and one I will now gladly answer.

I have always been proud of the fact, that I did my best to always be helpful to my fellow man. Be it a close friend or the man or woman selling the homeless newspaper. A little bit of kindness goes a long way to making the world in which you live a pleasant place to be.
I have always supported the Arts if someone's band was playing or needed support, I helped....if someone was an artist I supported them or an actor, I would go to see their show. It all sounds like I am trying to portray myself as the good guy, no that is not what I mean. I genuinely support people following their dreams, I am disappointed others don't think the same way.

I have never had much cash, not my hobby to save, especially if I had some money and I even got a sniff of a store selling musical instruments, I was lost to the savings cause. Ask the Rebel Jesus, we went to guitar fair once, where a store was having a closing down sale. Bas said he wanted to have a look and see if he could get a guitar. I reluctantly agreed, I knew the outcome.
Unfortunately, he didn't find anything he liked....I came home with 3 guitars. See what I mean?

Well, when I was living in Alkmaar, I helped friends and family financially from some savings I had, it wasn't a lot what I had, but I gave what I could. My mother always said you can't take it with you. She was a wise woman, also a witch who could see dead people, but that's another story.
I also gave friends some furniture and other items from my house, as I was moving to France and Mrs. Freak had everything, it was not a problem and I was honestly happy I could help someone.
Mrs. Freak also spent quite a bit buying items for friends who saved things, but what the fuck, she has a good job, she can afford dear reader, you would be surprised how many people genuinely think this but I do not want to drag Mrs. Freak in this, this is my problem, not hers.

I have been living in France now for over a year and I have at that time had NO income, be it from unemployment or playing shows. All I have is from the sales of my music. It is not a lot to write home about and I know I could never survive on it. I am truly lucky that Mrs. Freak wants to and can support and finance and feed me.

Now comes the clue to this story and beef I have with so-called friends.
I asked people, very close to me, to help out by buying the songs and even helping me by promoting my stuff, you never know, I might get me a few sales from it. Every little bit helps.
But every single one of the persons, whom I have helped in the past and they call themselves true friends, turned their backs on me and totally ignored my asking of them, even when they knew I was totally broke and had not much chance of getting a good income. Their egos and selfishness were too big to even help a friend.
I know, before people start, I have a massive ego, but never ever would I turn my back on a friend in need, I would give them the shirt off my back as we stood in the snow, if I had to.
If I post a cute photo on my personal Facebook page, it is met with many many likes, but the second I mention the sale of a song or ads for my music...whooosh!!!!...they disappear and totally ignore the post, instead of helping out and re-posting it.
I realise now that no-one cares about how me and the misses are getting on, but that is NOT what this blog is about.

I should stay calm and not think anything of it, Mrs. Freak says: you stand above them, don't let them bring you down....another wise woman, like from my mother, only this one is NOT a
But, this fake friendship...the "It doesn't benefit me, so why should I help" attitude pisses me right off and my only wish was I knew then what I know now.
The moral of the story is my friends, it is not about the money, like I said, I doubt I will be rich from my CD sales, it is the fact and the principles you can ignore someone who asked, nearly begged (Mrs. Freak thankfully stopped me) for help and you just carry on as if you don't see or hear it.

My brother told me a story of how my father had promised to watch him play football at Kirkton Park. He played the game and no sign of my father and when he asked my Dad why he didn't watch his game. My father said I did watch you, from the bedroom window.
Well, my friends, this is my Kirkton Park and it really sucks and it makes me angry. Not at them because they won't help, but at myself for believing they were true friends and would help

I was never a one for sending Christmas cards, but I tell you if I did, there would be a hell of a lot of names scratched off that list.

What will people make of this blog.....probably the same as the Facebook page, stick their heads in the sand and pretend they hear nothing until it goes away. That's okay, I have said my piece and for me, it is finished.
Alkmaar will always be special to me, but every day my connection with the city is growing less and the friends are more distant from me because now I see a lot of people in their true light and not behind their masks.

My beautiful friends, who have helped me, my band who always support me, I salute you and thank you from the bottom of my heart, but now I am done, I do not want to waste any more energy or time on those negative selfish people....let's have a party

ZEEKtheFREAK  Cabannes 25/08/2016

Thursday, April 14, 2016


It's very strange how the creative mind works. You can get an idea or an inspiration while working or chilling or even in your sleep. That is what happened to me one Saturday morning.

I had been working so hard for almost 2 months trying to get the new single 'Blow a fuse' finished. I have never spent so much time on a song, but I wanted to get this song just right. I was having problems with the songline, it just wasn't hitting the happy spot in my creative nerves. I have a mini-disc full of different ways for me to sing it, but I must admit I was struggling. I even had to put the release date back by a month as I was nowhere near finished

Then one morning during the walk with our boxer dog, Bruce, something came to me. Luckily, I was in the middle of a field and that I had my mobile with me, as I have a recording app on it. So singing in a field is cool, but when you find a songline after weeks of disappointment it is a brilliant feeling. So with my beautiful Aingeal off to her work and the pee monster all crapped out and lying in the warm Provence sun, I recorded the vocals on a Thursday morning in a few hours. All I had to do was the final mixdown.....but I wanted a break from recording. So I set about making advertisements for the release of the single.
I made a few cool ones just to annoy so-called friends (but, that is another story and blog) I laughed as they all had my strange sense of humour, but there no response from anyone, so that is enough proof, it has hit a nerve, ha ha ha.
Anyway, I went to bed Friday evening feeling good with how the campaign was going, Mrs. Freak came up with a few good ideas and also kept me in check with my posting to much...thank God she is around. I know I slept great, but around 4 in the morning I awoke very sharply and was wide awake within seconds, something had come to me in a dream, I had this marketing idea I just had to make a promotional film for the single, it only took me seconds to come up with old lady thing, as I have been playing around with the idea of changing from Psycho Rock to Pensioner Rock (well, I ain't fecking 20 anymore).
I scribbled down a few notes and went back to sleep.

In the morning, I set about writing a scenario, not much was needed as it was to be a short film to let the people get just a taste of the new song.

Then after the usual house chores and food, we set about getting the wardrobe ready, that is where my Aingeal comes in.
Mrs. Freak was in top form and proving that our humour and life's are on the same wavelength, because nearly everything she brought out for me to look at, was perfect. My wardrobe was ready,

It was sunny but windy and we thought about delaying the filming until the Sunday as less wind was expected, but we decided to get it done as knowing my luck it would be raining on that particular Sunday.

We got everything set up, camera on a mike stand and then I went into wardrobe. There was no need for makeup as it was not the plan for me to have my face in the picture a lot.

And so to the shoot, we decided at the end of the drive, by the passing road would be a perfect location and after a try-out run...we filmed what you see on the promo film....of course, it has been speeded up to make the film shorter, but you get the idea.
The passing car was a bonus, it was totally not planned and it's passing could not have been better. And I wonder if anyone notices Granny kicking the dog, ha ha ha

Filming finished and so it was onto finishing the final mix of the song. I had to have a small portion to put with the film to get the public interested.

With the song now ready, it was back on the computer to edit everything, now the internet here in Cabannes isn't great at the best of times, but when I was editing it was perfect, my only problem was when trying to upload the finished promo film, it is advised to leave the USB stick with the film in the computer. FFS ha ha ha what an idiot. So with that sorted, the final film was uploaded to the internet and YouTube.

It was a fun journey, moments of losing our cool at each other, but Mrs Freak (Agatha Stoneheart) and I honestly make a great team, she has the same sense of humour and without that Aingeal, I would never have got this or the single finished and to such a high quality.

I hope people enjoy the song and the Promo video, I am now working on the actual video for the song....gonna be funny and yes Granny is involved.

ZEEKtheFREAK Cabannes 14/04/2016

Thursday, April 7, 2016


Finally, I can say with my hand on my heart and without fear of contradiction that the single 'Blow a Fuse' is nearly finished, ha ha ha.

Yes Groovy people, it has been some journey.  I have never ever spent so much time working on track, Christ, I had the track from writing to recorded, mixed and out in an afternoon. With ZEEK & GIZ, we did a whole tape recording in one afternoon. Gone are these days, with the technology, the sounds and equipment are more advanced. I did, however, record this track on my old trustworthy Roland VS840 zip disc, as I know I have a whole studio on my computer and the next CD will probably be recorded on that, but I needed to get this done we all know how that has gone FFS.

From the idea to getting this far, must be 2 and a half months and to think I want 10 tracks on the 'Gullible travels' CD...what was the date I wanted to bring it out, I think we can scrap that idea.

I struggled with original songline, the music has been done for about a month and after about 20 different ideas, the final idea came to me when I was out walking Bruce. Luckily nowadays on your mobile, you can record, so I did it in the middle of a field at the back of our house and I think I had it totally thought through in less than 10 minutes. I knew there was a reason why it just didn;t feel right. I didn't want to sound like another singer or band. I am so happy I followed my intuition, I knew it would eventually come to me.

The lyrics were also changed drastically, thanks to the changing songline and what started with a line about gay porn ended up more about how religions are dying and fading away. Yes, my mother would turn in her grave if she hadn't been cremated. Always Blasphemy.

My Sol helped me Immensely, being my energy and also my critic and thanks to her comments, I am happy to release the first new song in almost 6 years. Good grief how time flies, but things are looking good in Camp Freak and after the final mix down tomorrow, I will start work on the next song and also the first Fools Funnybone, yes the website is ready, so on to that, but that will be in the next blog. Thanks for reading, hope you are all well.
Peace and Love

Monday, September 21, 2015

Life in France part 1

Living in France part 1

I have been living in the South of France
now for 15 weeks and I am totally enjoying my new life. My Solange is the person that makes my life so beautiful, along with our mental boxer, Bruce, they are now the two most important things in my life.

I have also started working on my music again and hopefully, a new CD will be realised, next year. My Sol, is my guide as to what is cool and what is not.

My health is also like old, my blood pressure is back to normal and I have halved my dosage of tablets. My weight is perfect, I have reached my desired weight, thanks to watching what I eat and my work in the gym and out in the mountain roads with my racing bike.

I must now try to conquerthe lingo. I am very confident, as I have a perfect teacher.

All in all, I think it was a wise desicion to move myself here. Of course I miss my family and friends in Holland, but my lifestyle here is one I always sought.

I hope my Freaky fans are all cool and well....see youz again in October from theFREAK's Halloween gig


Thursday, July 23, 2015

ADHD Freak

Living here and getting to know the locals and their customs, I have realised just how tightly wound up, I actually am and far from the relaxed dude, I dream I am.
I understand my lack of the lingo and being away from everything, I built up over the last 36 years, does not help, but this was a move I wanted to make......for my health, but also for my music, because although I am writing songs with My Celtic Faith, I am having difficulty in writing new material for the planned 2nd solo CD.

I am doing fine with my sporting activities and watching my diet, that is not a problem. I will learn the lingo and we are gonna buy something that connects me to the net and I can get Scottish tv, hopefully

Monday, July 6, 2015

LIFE IN FRANCE the early days

What can I say, I have been living in France now for just over 2 weeks and it is starting to feel like home. It is years since I felt so relaxed, my BP is as low as it has been for years and my weight is finally coming down.

My Aingeal; Solange is the reason for my feeling so good, she takes care of me and has made me feel at home, Our Bruce keeps me active as well

I am cycling like the old days, and taking on the hard climbs with ease. I am actually amazed, how I am taking to climbs with the bike.

People, I will keep you in touch with my life here in the Provence

be kind to yourself

Wednesday, March 18, 2015



As most of you know, I am moving to the South of France in June, to start a new life with my Aingeal, Solange and our boxer Bruce. 
Exciting yes and sadness also.


Excitement, because this move is exactly what my music, my sanity and to a certain extent my health needs. I know Solange will take care of me and I will love her even more. 

Musically, I know it will charge my batteries and a new CD should be in the making (it has been for years, but time to start it). I always love making new friends, introducing people to my music. I know Solange and to a certain extent, the people and the life in France will give me the peace in my soul, that I so long for.


I will also be sad to leave Alkmaar and the Netherlands, Alkmaar gave ZEEKtheFREAK lots of love and that warms me and I will miss the social life here. The most important thing to me, I will be leaving my brother behind, a difficult decision, as we have always been in the area of each other and thankfully the internet will keep us close in some way. I will also miss my two nieces and a lot of friends. Both my bands, TheFREAKS and My Celtic Faith will always be in my heart and we will still be recording and gigging together.

So many things still arrange, but when it happens, I know it will be cool. I hope you will join me on this journey


Sunday, February 8, 2015

New Website

I am working day and night to get a half decent website online,bear with me, hopefully it will be going soon.

I had forgotten, how much work goes into it. I think it proves how much of a control freak, I am. I should give this to an expert..but nope.

So please, bear with me.
By the way, you can purchase, 2 of my songs on iTunes, links to follow


A Change is as good as a rest

A nice short blog, this time. I was reading Facebook a while back and a friend posted something that caught my eye. (thank you Pamela Gape...